Saturday, October 25, 2008

Erotica Short - Exploring First Person Fiction

This very short story was a bit of a struggle in both tense and person. I'm pretty comfortable in third person, not so much in first person, so I thought I'd tackle this one outside my comfort zone.

The story is short and to the point, involving an attraction between two strangers. Sometimes people just click instantaneously. Condoms aren't mentioned in the story because really, i didn't want to pause in the erotic tension to have them stop and whip out the raincoats, but of course i'm a huge advocate of safe sex. This is brand new, so any feedback, noted errors, etc. are appreciated. Hope you enjoy. It was fun to write. :D

Wicked Dance

Listening to the band, I sway to the music, enjoying the afternoon concert in the park. The band is howling and bouncing across the stage. Everywhere I look people are dancing and moving to the blood thrumming sounds. Feeling a bit thirsty, I ask my date if he would like something to drink. He shakes his head, his eyes never leaving the stage. What a dick. If he wasn’t into girls he should have just said so and not agreed to the blind date. We had immediately disliked each other on sight. He had taken one look at my outfit of skin revealing halter top and cut-off jean shorts and sneered. I’d taken one look at his ironed, button down shirt and dockers and sneered back. Shrugging at his lack of attention, I turn and start to walk through the crowd toward one of the food vendors. I should just leave the asshole and find a ride home. He probably wouldn’t even notice.

I stop in my tracks, mesmerized by the sight of a stunningly gorgeous man standing on top of a picnic table gyrating to the music. Damn. Now that was hot. I noticed I wasn’t the only woman watching him in awe as he moved to the beat, his long hair swinging about his head and his tattooed muscles glistening with a sheen of sweat. The tight tank t-shirt revealed as much as it concealed. Yum. About to turn away, I pause as his eyes meet mine and he flashes me a taunting smile. Oh yeah, he’s hot and knows it. Laughing at his flirting expression I blow him as kiss before moving on, heading onward to the area where food and drinks were sold. Feeling cheered by the momentary flirtation with the sexy stranger, I’m still smiling to myself when I get in one of the long lines for refreshments. The line moves slowly but I finally buy my beer and stand to the side for a moment, sipping it and trying to decide if I want to wander around a bit, go home, or return to my boring date. I knew better than to go on blind date, but once again I let the pressure of friends overwhelm my common sense. The guy was about as interesting as a rock. Scratch that. Rocks were definitely more interesting. I gasp in surprise when I feel a mouth press against the bare skin of my shoulder and two hands settle around my waist, holding me in place.

“Hello sexy girl,” the man purred in my ear, pulling me flush against him so I could feel the heat radiating off his body. Long hair tickles the edge of my arm as he nuzzles my ear, “That beer looks very nice and cold… do you mind sharing?”

Turning my head and ready to verbally decimate whoever had dared to put their hands on me, I blink and swallow the curses. It’s Mr. Sexy Dancer. Holy shit. Shivering at the sudden flush of heat that envelopes me, I clear my throat and reply, “Ummmm…. sure, I mean no, I mean yes... oh hell, here’s the beer.”

Chuckling at my flustered response, he leans around me, lifting my hand and tilts the cup to take swallow. Mesmerized, I watch him lick his lips. “Tasty, but not as tasty as you.” He wiggles his eyebrows comically and I fight the inane urge to giggle like a schoolgirl.

Geez. What is it about this guy that makes me so damn giddy and stupid acting? Biting my lip and struggling for some semblance of control and cool, I turn in his arms and ask, “Does that line usually work for you?”

Undaunted by my slightly snippy comment, he grins, “I’ll let you know later tonight.” I can’t help myself, he is so unapologetically on the make that I burst out laughing and relax. It should be a sin to be that sexy and know it. Ohh, but if he was sin then I wanted a taste. I wasn’t even going to bother pretending I wasn’t completely enthralled by him. Encounters like this simply do not come along every day.

Grabbing my hand, he pulled me after him, walking rapidly toward the entrance of the festival. Struggling to keep up, I ask, “Where are we going?”

“I want to dance with you,” he replies, glancing back at me with a wicked grin.

“But the music is back that way!” I frown, almost trotting to keep up with him as he hurried us toward the parking lot.

“It’s a private dance,” he grins, taking my half empty beer cup and neatly tossing it several feet into a trashcan without breaking stride.

“Just like that?” I ask, tugging my hand free from his and stopping still. “You smile at me and I’m supposed to just follow you to hell knows where? You may be the sexiest thing I have ever laid eyes on in like forever, but dude, I don’t know your name or anything. You could be some psycho for all I know.”

Turning around and walking up close to me, so close that my breasts brush against the front of his chest, he wraps one hand into my hair and gently pulls my head back until my head is tilted backwards. Using his other hand to grab my ass and pull me tight against him until I can feel the length of his erection pressing into my stomach, he leans down and licks my ear before whispering, “This is all you need to know sexy girl.”

His fingers tighten in my hair and tug just hard enough to make me gasp, then his mouth is crushing mine, his tongue sliding in, teasing, taunting, exploring every centimeter. Moaning and feeling like my insides have been lit up with a blow torch, I melt against him and wrap my lips around his tongue, sucking and teasing back. I feel him grind himself against me, his fingers digging into my ass cheek as he pulls his mouth away from mine for a moment, then grabs my face with both hands and tilts my head for a better angle before biting my lips and thrusting his tongue in deep again. Coming up for air, both of us panting, we stare at each other for a moment before he smiles, “Karlo. My name is Karlo. And you can trust me sexy girl.”

I stare into his eyes for a few seconds longer then nod and smile back, “Yeah. Okay.” That easily he had won me over. Tossing caution to the wind I grab his hand I start to pull him forward, even though I have no idea where I’m going. Laughing, Karlo turns me in the right direction toward his car, his eyes filled with heat and promise each time they meet mine.


I’m a big flirt, but actually not all that into booty calls, so I feel slightly awkward and unsure of myself as we arrive at his home. Sure, I’ve had a few. But ultimately, the wham bam thank you m’am ends up being a disappointment. So I don’t make a practice of one night stands. But I try to maintain a fa├žade of coolness. Apparently I fail miserably because he pauses as he unlocks the front door and says, “I meant it, you can trust me, but we can take this slow if you like.”

Annoyed that he can see through me so easily I push him into his house and up against the wall inside. Rubbing myself against him, I give him a wicked smile and lean forward to bite his bottom lip. This wasn’t going to work if he was going to treat me like I was fragile. I wanted the hot, dirty sex his kiss had promised. I wanted him. I needed to show him that. His soft groan is immensely gratifying and I use one foot to kick the front door shut as I grab handfuls of his long hair and pull his face closer to mine, aggressively thrusting my tongue into his mouth.

“Fuck slow,” I whisper, “I want hard and fast and I want it now.”

“Shit.” Karlo growls before picking me up and tossing me over his shoulder.

Squealing at his surprise neanderthal move, I laugh and look down at his delectable ass, giving in to the urge to smack it playfully as he hurries through the house to his bedroom. Suddenly I’m airborne, then bouncing on my back on a soft bed. Giggling, I watch as he quickly pulls off his t-shirt, then unbuttons and drops his pants.

My mouth drops open. He’s commando. And ohmygod is he ever happy to see me. Licking my lips I slide to the edge of the bed and reach for him. I want. I want NOW. He takes a step back as he wraps a fist around his cock and jerks it a few times. Mesmerized I watch a bead of pre-cum form on the head and lick my lips again.

Glancing up at his amused expression, I snarl, “Gimme.”

“Undress.” He orders, taking another step further back from me.

No, no, no! He is going in the wrong direction and taking that fucking gorgeous cock with him. “Give me just a taste first,” I demand, narrowing my eyes at him.

Shaking his head he takes another damn step backward, and says, “I’ll be back in a minute. You better be naked and spread out on that bed by the time I get back. Do it sexy girl or face the consequences of disobeying.”

Karlo releases his thick, hard cock and walks out of the room, leaving me staring after him, feeling slightly stunned. Oh damn. This was going to be even more fun than I had anticipated. Shivering inside with excitement, I debate whether or not I should find out what he had in mind for punishment if I disobeyed. Ah fuck it. One of these days curiosity was going to be my downfall. I was never very good at obeying. Stripping off just my halter top, I drop it into a corner chair then wander around the room, looking at the books on his nightstand and the personal items on his dresser.

I barely manage to not jump when he chuckles, “So that’s how we’re going to play it, sexy girl?”

“Back already?” I gasp as he wraps an arm around my waist and hauls me backwards until my back is up tight against his front. I can feel his hard cock pressing against my ass through my shorts. I push back and grind myself against him as his hands slides down my stomach and quickly unbuttons, then unzips my shorts.

“Naughty girl,” he murmurs, his teeth latching onto the sensitive skin on my neck and biting just hard enough to make me gush and squirm. Pushing my shorts down to the floor, he slides a finger between my legs and plunges it deep inside of me without warning. Crying out, I arch into his hand. His cock is riding between my ass cheeks, the head sliding across my anus over and over, causing me to pant and bite back whimpers. Tugging on my nipples with his free hand, and slipping a second finger into me, Karlo has me riding his hand, moaning uncontrollably in mere minutes. I feel the tightening inside, the fierce boiling of an orgasm preparing to explode, when suddenly he pulls his fingers out of me and shoves me toward the bed.

“No! Wait! Karlo, I was almost…” I start to protest then squeak in surprise as he grabs both my hands and swiftly ties them together, anchoring them to the headboard.

“Ummmm… I don’t know about this…” I hoarsely mutter, testing the ties holding me.

“Relax. Enjoy.” Karlo grins, spreading my legs wide apart and settling in between them.

Okay. This could be fun. Grinning back I spread my legs further apart and tilt my hips up toward his face. Even expecting it, I still shudder and cry out at the first hot swipe of his tongue against my wet cunt. Writhing as he licks and bites at my flesh, his tongue repeatedly teasing my clit but never settling on it for long, I feel myself nearing the begging point. Close, I’m so fucking close again to a huge, body shattering orgasm. Then I feel something so cold it burns like the flick of a flame against my clit. Screaming I arch up high, then collapse as the burn is removed and replaced by a warm, wet tongue. Oh my god!

“What the hell was that?” I frantically babble, trying to lift my head to see what Karlo has that is playing wicked on my skin down there. Well, besides his wicked tongue of course. The soothing heat of his tongue has me relaxing again and I swear I can feel every swipe more clearly now. Whatever he had done has heightened my nerves by a hundred.

Lifting his head from between my thighs, Karlo gives me the most beautiful, naughty grin I have ever seen, then shows me his hand, which is holding a piece of ice. Before I can say a word he runs the ice over my clit again before pushing it inside me. Wailing and bucking at the freezing burn, I feel the ice cube quickly melting inside, the water mixing with the wet slide of arousal leaking from me. His lips latch into to my clit as he pushes three fingers into me hard and he sucks. Hard. Screaming, I feel myself fall into a million blazing pieces as my body strains through a mind-numbing orgasm. Several minutes pass before I have enough oxygen back in my body to think even half coherently. My nipples are on fire and I blink my eyes open to look down the line of my body to where Karlo, chin propped on one hand, is lazily circling my nipples with a cube of ice. Looking at me with a smug expression, he leans forward and sucks one nipple into the warm cavern of his mouth. Whimpering, I struggle against the ties still holding me bound to the bed.

Releasing my nipple with an audible pop and licking his lips, Karlo blows on the aching nub before softly asking, “So, sexy girl, the next time I tell you to do something are you going to be naughty or obedient?”

Biting my bottom lip and wondering what answer will give me what I want, I shrug as much as the tension in my arms over my head will allow. “It could go either way.” I honestly answer, “Which one will get me that gorgeous cock of yours?”

Laughing, Karlo straddles my chest and leans forward, his hand wrapped around his cock and teasing me with it, just out of tongue reach. “Is this what you want, naughty girl?”

Nodding vigorously, I lean forward and swipe the head with my tongue, loving the musky taste of the cum leaking from his cock. Grunting, he leans forward and teases my lips with his cock, moving it back and forth but preventing me from latching on to him with my mouth. Smiling wickedly at him, I suddenly lift my knees causing him fall forward and I immediately suck him in deep into my mouth.

“Ah fuck!” he cries, releasing his hold on his cock and wrapping both hands into my hair. Slurping and teasing with my tongue I suck on him hard, swallowing him down to the back of my throat. His hips thrust forward as he begins to fuck my mouth harder, sliding his fat cock in and out of my mouth. Breathing through my nose, I keep pace with him, feeling myself get hotter and hotter as I watch him throw his head back, groaning. The long strands of his hair tickle my thighs and my nipples feel like hard diamonds, aching for attention. I feel him swell in my mouth and I open my jaws as wide as I can in anticipation of him cumming in my mouth. But he surprises me by pulling out and flipping me over on my stomach, my arms crossed over my head. Grabbing my hips he roughly hauls my ass up in the air and drives his cock into me in one powerful thrust.

“Ahhh! Shit!” I scream at the feeling of him splitting me in two. Animalistic grunts come out of my mouth as I push back at him, shuddering at the incredible feeling of him driving in and out of me, his balls slapping against my clit. One hand griping my hip, the other pressing my shoulder down, Karlo spears me over and over with his hard cock in rapid thrusts that force him past my tight inner muscles. The wet slap of flesh, the moaning grunts coming from both us fill the air as we get closer and closer to the edge. Releasing my hip he slips a hand around to my clit and roughly rubs, then pinches it. Cursing and screaming I shatter, bucking against him as my eyes roll up into the back of my head. I hear a distant roar as the squeezing contractions of my orgasm throw him over the edge as well. He pounds into me at a furious pace then holds still, his back arching as his cock pulses and releases inside me. Collapsing against my back, we lay there panting for several minutes. Untying my hands, he grins at me and rubs the redness on my wrists.

“I like the way you dance.” I smile up at him, feeling completely boneless and fully sated. Talented, sexy and all mine for the moment. How did I ever get so lucky?

“How about following me into the shower, sexy girl?” He kisses my shoulder, then bites his way up to my neck. “Let me get you all clean so I can make you all dirty again?”

Stretching and flashing him a naughty smile, I murmur, “Karlo, my Sexy Dancer, I will follow you anywhere.”

4 comments:

jam said...

wow! smoken hot. i do believe i need to go play. i think you did a wonderful job in first person. wonderful.

Lakota said...

Thank you Jam!
My friend Rob has found some boo-boos and very nicely provided corrections so i'll be reposting sometime today. Thanx so much for stopping by and commenting!

I got alot of great feedback on FB but not so much here. ~muwah!~

Riff Dog said...

Oh, you know I love this! You do know how to tell a story!

I've actually done that ice trick, by the way. Although it was in my mouth rather than my hand. I think his way is better because with my way, my lips were cold, so there was less contrast.

Arkay said...

Not boo-boo's per se, just some possible adjustments for flow and readability tense wise - the work is all yours and it's fantastic, as always (especially for something whipped off in a couple of days between all the other stuff you're always doing). :)